The Twelve Canine Capers of Christmas

(As Told By a Naughty Dog)

Psst . . . all you fellow mischief-makers out there: when your human is not looking, check this out. For the puppies, this all probably comes naturally. However, all of you "trained" pooches might need a refresher. Here are some tips to really live it up on Christmas. It's the perfect blend of naughty and nice. Oh, and to the German Shepherds: Loosen up, ya goody-goodies, and live like a Lab for the day!

1. On Christmas Eve, remember two very important things: do not bark at Santa, and never take his milk and cookies. You'll thank me later.

2. On Christmas morning, wake everyone up at the crack of dawn. This is especially appreciated if there are no children in the house to do it first.

3. Inspect all of the gifts under the tree. This is your job. The wetter the nose, the better. Get that snout all the way in those gift bags!

4. If you get bored, decorations make great chew toys. Just don't swallow anything. The last thing you want is a trip to the vet.

5. As people arrive at the door, do a little dance around each of them, even if it's just Dad coming back from the garage. They'll love the greeting and you'll get tons of attention.

6. Do your darnedest to wiggle out of those silly hats and outfits. Your human will enjoy the game. Give in and hold still as soon as the camera is put away.

7. Help everyone open their presents. Humans think they can do it all with those opposable thumbs, but they'll appreciate the assistance of your teeth.

8. Assist in the kitchen. Who needs a vacuum when they've got you to clean up?

9. This is your day for begging! Ham it up and you might even get some ham. Just keep your human away from all that "health advice" from vet-types.

10. After dinner, casually linger near the trash. Once they have had enough eggnog, they will never notice you there. This is your time to feast!

11. In the spirit of the holiday, be nice to the cat. I know it's hard, but just try. Trust me. It will shock the humans, and you can chase him all you want the day after.

12. And finally . . . When you're all tuckered out, curl up and take a nice long nap. Snore if possible.

Merry Christmas, fellow canines. Have fun!

Yours Truly,
One Anonymous Sneaky Dog

P.S. When in doubt, just wag your tail (if you have one).

-- Cpntributed by Shela Walton