1. What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too. Especially anything you are eating. "Fast Food" is my fave. Turn away for one second and it's gone.
2. You may still keep your seat at the head of the table. My seat is the one directly beneath any child under the age of five.
3. I am not lazy, I am resting. Playing tug of war with your pizza or jumping five feet in the air for half a corn dog on a stick is hard work. Dog: 3 Owners: 0
4. Doodle bugs are a delicacy and packed with protein. Get over it.
5. All family members must adore me. If someone is getting more attention: I will chew the noses off every stuffed toy in the house.
6. If the family is in the car and you leave me behind: you'll find me at the neighbors pitying me for your maltreatment.
7. Your bed? Get real. If I'm cold, I get the covers and you are the pillow.
8. Finally, I will fiercely love you and protect you to the end. The trade off is you pretend you don't notice every time I pass gas.
P.S. I prefer toilet paper to those nasty chew sticks you give me. Just go check under the couch cushions!
2. You may still keep your seat at the head of the table. My seat is the one directly beneath any child under the age of five.
3. I am not lazy, I am resting. Playing tug of war with your pizza or jumping five feet in the air for half a corn dog on a stick is hard work. Dog: 3 Owners: 0
4. Doodle bugs are a delicacy and packed with protein. Get over it.
5. All family members must adore me. If someone is getting more attention: I will chew the noses off every stuffed toy in the house.
6. If the family is in the car and you leave me behind: you'll find me at the neighbors pitying me for your maltreatment.
7. Your bed? Get real. If I'm cold, I get the covers and you are the pillow.
8. Finally, I will fiercely love you and protect you to the end. The trade off is you pretend you don't notice every time I pass gas.
P.S. I prefer toilet paper to those nasty chew sticks you give me. Just go check under the couch cushions!
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